A Good Woman vs a Godly Woman

“She opens her mouth with wisdom;
and in her tongue is the law of kindness.”
Proverbs 31:26

The verse we are looking at today describes the Proverbs 31 woman’s speech, the words that she says and the way in which she communicates. She is wise in knowing when to open her mouth. Do you sometimes open your mouth and later kick yourself as you know that you should of kept your mouth shut. I do find myself in that situation sometimes. Very often after you have opened your mouth it is very difficult to stop in the middle of the sentence! A Godly woman is wise. She thinks through her words before saying them out of turn and will assess words to see if they should be said.

Her words are kind. Are all your words kind? Are all your words spoken out of love in a controlled manner? How many times do we err on the words we say? Many times during the day. We do not only err but we sin against God with our words!

Have you ever noticed how many times the Word of God deals with our speech? After studying this verse, I have been amazed at how many times it is dealt with in scripture! Why do you think our communication is so important to God? Read the following verse:

“The mouth of a righteous man is a well of life..”
Proverbs 10:11

The reason why our words are so important is because it reflects what is in our hearts. The Lord is most concerned with what is going on in our hearts! When a righteous person speaks, words of life should be spoken. What are words of life? Gods word is Jesus Christ, Jesus Christ is life. Therefore, Gods word is life. Our words should reflect Gods wisdom.

Now for an issue that I have been wondering about concerning our Proverbs 31 woman. I know many woman who would fit the Proverbs 31 profile BUT ARE NOT SAVED! Their husbands trust them, they are good at managing a home, they handle money well, they do everything for their family, they give to the poor etc. The list goes on and many woman make a perfect match of our Proverbs 31 woman.

The verse that we are looking at today is actually the key to differentiating the difference between a worldly, domestic goddess and a godly, Proverbs 31 woman. Our actions may look good, but it is actually the heart which God sees. This verse shows that what is in the heart will come out of the mouth. When a woman is about her daily “to do list”, which would be a very long one, her words and how she says them will reveal much about the condition of her heart.
Continuous sinning in our communication would cause much concern to make a serious issue of pray with the Lord. We find mercy and grace at the feet of Jesus, don’t hesitate to run to the Lord and cry out for wisdom in your speech. It is important.

Do you remember everything that you have said since your day began this morning? How about since the beginning of the year? There is no ways that we remember everything that we say! But God does remember every thing that we say.

“But I say unto you, That every idle word that men shall speak, they shall give account thereof in the day of judgment. For by your words you shall be justified, and by your words you shall be condemned.”
Matthew 12:36

Please understand the importance of wisdom in knowing when to open your mouth and knowing the law of kindness. I have included two studies for you to do in your own time. They will help you to examine many verses in Gods word and will help assess where you may be sinning. Do not be discouraged and shut up completely! Let me encourage you to cling to the Word of God and to flee to the feet of Jesus, the more the better! All for Gods glory! Enjoy the studies!

Written by Natalie Rogers


Quick Scripture Reference for Counseling Youth,
by Patricia A. Miller and Keith R. Miller, Pg 204,205,206

Write out verses.

1. Positive qualities to develop in speech:
Building up: Ephesians 4:29
Gentleness: Proverbs 16:24, Proverbs 25:15
Speaking truth: Ephesians 4:25
Speaking after listening: James 1:19-20, Proverbs 15:28
Communicating knowledge: Proverbs 20:15
Appropriate words: Proverbs 25:11, Proverbs 15:23
Kindness: Proverbs 12:25; Ephesians 4:32

2. Negative qualities to avoid in speech.
Obscene, foolish, raw jokes: Ephesians 5:4; Ephesians 4:29
Falsehood, lying: Ephesians 4:25
Answering before listening: Proverbs 18:13
Foolish, stupid arguments: 2 Timothy 2:23-24
Slander: Titus 3:1-2
Lack of self control: James 1:26

3. Speech can both grieve and please the Holy Spirit,
Ephesians 4:29-31

4. Summary of the tongue’s power potential
Proverbs 18:21
James 3:5-8
James 3:9-12

5. Many contrasts are provided in Proverbs
Proverbs 12:18
Proverbs 15:1
Proverbs 15:4
Proverbs 10:20-21

*Biblical illustration - Abigail (1 Samuel 25)

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A homework manual for biblical living, By Wayne A Mack
Vol.2 family and marital problems
COMMUNICATION WORKSHEET

A. List five things that you could discuss with your mate. Now plunge in and seek a good time to actually communicate.

B. Evaluate your conversation. Answer the following questions about your conversation by using this rating scale: 0 = never, 1 = seldom, 2 = sometimes, 3 = frequently, 4 = always. Circle the questions where improvement is needed.
1. Do you really show an interest in what others are saying (__) or are you interested in what you are talking about? (__)
2. Are you a know-it-all? (__)
3. Is your voice pleasant, gentle and friendly? (__)
4. Do you say things clearly and simply so that others can understand? (__)
Are you lovingly honest or evasive and untrue? (__) Are you open or secretive?(__)
Do you often send backdoor messages? (__)
5. Are you predominantly appreciative and affirmative (__) or critical and negative(__)
6. Do you encourage others (__) or belittle them? (__)
7. Is your family better because of your involvement with them? (__) How?
8. Does your family feel free to be honest and open with you? (__) Is it safe for them to tell you the truth about you as they see it (__) or do they have to fear speaking the truth to you? (__)
9. Do you tend to dominate a conversation in which you are involved? (__)
Do you ever “whip into silence” by your tone or reaction? (__)
10. Are you willing to listen to opinions that are different from yours and not be threatened by them? (__) Are you a highly opinionated, prejudiced person? (__)
11. When others want to talk to you, do you give them your undivided attention (__) or are you usually too busy? (__)
12. Do you consider communication with your family to be a priority matter? (__) Is it more important to you then watching TV? (__) Than reading the newspaper? (__) Than taking a nap? (__) If you had to choose between talking to your family and doing one of the aforementioned things, would you usually choose talking to your family?
13. Are you often not in the mood to talk? (__) Do you give in to your moods (__) or deny yourself and focus on the needs of others? (__)
14. Are you frequently sarcastic and nasty in your speech (__) or do you usually use wholesome gracious, considerate, and respectful speech? (__)
15. Are you usually cheerful and bright (__) or overly serious and somber? (__) Do you usually have a merry heart (__) or a sullen spirit? (__)
16. Do you nag? (__)
17. Do you lecture or moralize? (__)
18. Do you sometimes exaggerate problems , read into the other person’s faults,etc (__)
19. Do you sometimes mind read, read into the other person’s words and accuse him/her of meaning things he/she didn’t really say? (__)
20. Do you insist on having the last word? (__)
21. Do you make time to communicate on a daily basis? (__)
22. Do you often bring up the other person’s past mistakes? (__)
23. Do you often refuse the other person’s suggestions or advice without really thinking about what he/she is saying? (__)

C. Study the following verses; ask God what they say about communication; write down what they say and how you need to apply them in your circumstances.
1. Matthew 12:34-37
2. Ephesians 4:25-27
3. Ephesians 4:29-32
4. Ephesians 5:18;19
5. Colossians 4:6
6. 2 Timothy 2:24,25
7. Titus 3:1,2
8. 1 Peter 3:10,11
9. James 1:19,20
10. Proverbs 12:25; 15:1; 15:28; 17:14; 20:5; 25:9, 11, 12, 15
11. Proverbs 12:16,18; 15:5; 16:21; 24:27; 17:9; 18:6,13,17,23

D. Select two or three areas in which you need to improve to become a better communicator with your family. Confess your failure to God in this area, ask Him to help you to change and then go to work on them. Begin every day by reaffirming your desire to change, ask God for help, memorize Scripture that speaks to the practise you want to change,, and deliberately throughout the day seek to be different, At the end of every day, review your progress, ask God for forgiveness where you have failed, and again commit yourself to becoming different in the areas you are seeking to change. Write out the changes you want to make and plan how you will bring them to pass.
E. As incidents happen, examine what you did wrong and check how you should of handled the situation.